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Whacking Day/QuotesWikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
Evil Homer: [singing conga-style] "I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!" Kent Brockman: "But first, a look at the local holiday that was called distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, Whacking Day! In a tradition that dates back to founding father Jebediah Springfield, every May 10th local residents gathered to drive snakes into the center of town and whack them to snake heaven. [footage plays] After exposing Alger Hiss, Honorary Grand Marshal Richard Nixon goes after another deadly hiss." [Nixon accidentally repeatedly strikes a person holding a snake down for him.] Nixon: "Is Whacking Day over? [everyone boos] Thank you. Thanks for coming out." Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you? Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now. Lisa: If the snakes were in here we could protect them. Bart: According to this, snakes hear by sensing vibrations in the ground. So, if we put our stereo speakers on the ground and play something with a lot of bass, those snakes will be in here like Oprah on a baked ham. Barney: [whacking invisible snakes] Snakes! Snakes everywhere! Lenny: You gettin' ready for Whacking Day? Barney: What's Whacking Day? Ralph: What's a battle? Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, let's go. Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle? Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct. Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle. Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so... Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's? Reverend Lovejoy: (reading from the Bible) And the Lord said, whack ye all the serpants which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others. (Long pause) So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses Wacking Day. Lisa: Lemme see that. Reverend Lovejoy: (puts the bible behind him) Mmmmmmm, no. Bart: Ladies and gentlemen! Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish. Old Irishman: 'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in fun. Nelson: I want you to keep filling your shirt with crud until I get back. Milhouse: Yes, sir. Choir: Oh Whacking Day! Oh Whacking Day! Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day! Boy: We’ll break their backs Gouge out their eyes Their evil hearts we’ll pulverize! Choir: Oh Whacking Day! Oh Whacking Day! May God bestow His grace on thee. Homer: Hey, kids, how was school? Lisa: I learned how many grams in a pennyweight. Bart: I got expelled. Homer: That's my boy! [sips his Duff beer] Mmm... beer... [realizes] What!? Marge: Bart, I'd like you to read this copy of "Johnny Tremaine." It's a book I read as a girl. Bart: A book!? Pfffft. Marge: I think you might like this. It's about a boy who goes to war. His hand is deformed in an accident. Bart: Deformed? Why didn't you say so! They should call this book "Johnny Deformed"? [after realizing that Nelson, Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney are still locked in the school's utility closet, Principal Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie rush over to the school with a bunch of mountain bikes] Principal Skinner: We give them their bikes, no one sues. [laughes nervously] Willie: [laughes] What if they're dead, sir? Principal Skinnger: Then we ride these bikes to Mexico, and freedom, Willie! Freedom!
Nelson: Imagine...a school out there with no bullies. Jimbo: Science geeks not getting beat up. Kids using their lunch money for food. Nelson: I can't take it! |
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