"Simpsons Christmas Stories"
||This episode is considered non-canon and the events featured do not relate to the series and therefore may not have actually happened/existed
|"Simpsons Christmas Stories"
Simpsons Christmas Stories is the ninth episode of season 17, which originally aired on December 18, 2005.
Homer tells the tale of the first Christmas ever, while Grandpa pursues his decade-old feud with Santa.
 Wrapround part 1
When Reverend Lovejoy can't attend the Christmas sermon due to his train set catching on fire, Flanders immediately takes over. However, he gets a paper cut and faints. Homer decides to lead the sermon and tells the story of the first Christmas, with Marge as Mary, Homer as Joseph, Lisa as the angel Gabriel, Mr. Burns as King Herod, and Bart as Jesus.
 The First (Annoyed Grunt)-El
Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, even though she's a virgin. The angel Gabriel appears to them and explains that Mary is going to give birth to the Son of God. The three wise men (Dr. Hibbert, Principal Skinner, and Professor Frink) tell King Herod that they are going to give gold, frankincense, and myrrh to the King of the Jews. When Herod thinks that the gifts are for him, the men explain to him that they're for the baby Jesus. Herod becomes angry and claims that he will kill the baby.
At the Bethlehem Inn, the innkeeper (Moe) tells Mary and Joseph that he has plenty of rooms available with brand new carpeting. However, when Mary's water breaks, he forces them to stay in the barn. Mary successfully gives birth to the baby, and the three wise men, along with the two shepherds (Lenny and Carl) come to see Jesus. Joseph is upset because he isn't Jesus' father, and when he drinks some wine, the baby turns it into water.
When Jesus keeps crying, Mary gives him to Joseph. He entertains him by hurting himself and one of the wise men (Skinner). When Jesus finally falls asleep, Herod and his troops find the manger that they're staying in. They escape and trick the soldiers by putting Jesus' halo on a duck. On top of the hill, Joseph cuts down a pine tree, and as it rolls down, the soldier gets caught in it. The soldiers, along with Herod, are arranged like ornaments on the tree, and the duck, still wearing the halo, stands on top of the tree. Mary calls it a Christmas tree.
 Wrapround part 2
Homer concludes his service.
 Wrapround part 3
Santa sees Mr. Burns has been tied up by Grampa.
When Bart and Lisa find Grampa trying to stick a bear trap on top of the chimney, Grampa tells them that he's trying to get his revenge on Santa Claus. Bart asks why, and to their dismay, Grampa tells them one of his many stories.
Back in World War II, Grampa and his brother Cyrus were fighting off Japanese planes when Cyrus got shot down. Shortly after, Grampa, who was accompanied by Mr. Burns, also get shot down and are stranded on an island. After a few months, they see a plane in the sky, and Mr. Burns shoots it down. However, when they go over to investigate, they see that it is actually Santa Claus. They build him a new sleigh and gather up all the presents. When Santa is about to leave, Mr. Burns knocks him unconscious with a coconut and flies away in the sleigh and claims that he is going to keep all the presents. Grampa catches up to him on a reindeer and jumps onboard the sleigh. After he beats Mr. Burns with a tricycle, he gives the sleigh back to Santa. As Santa leaves, he tells Grampa that he'll be back in a few days. However, he never comes back, and Grampa has to get off using a jet ski he made out of coconuts.
 Wrapround part 4
Bart and Lisa believe that it's just another one of Grampa's far-fetched tales, but when they hear a thump in the den, they find that Santa is there. He tells them that Cyrus didn't die, but instead crashed into Tahiti. Santa takes Grampa there, and they meet up with Cyrus and his fifteen wives. Santa explains to Grampa that he didn't come back for him on the island due to his procrastination and eventually feeling embarrassed about it.
 The Nutcracker...Sweet
Homer and Marge in front of the fire.
After the children of Springfield Elementary perform The Nutcracker, everyone begins to go along their day singing to the tune of the songs from the play. This is done after mentioning that the songs in The Nutcracker are in the public domain and thus can be and are played constantly for free. After the opening number (sung to the tune of "Marche"), Moe continues his holiday tradition and attempts suicide thrice, and naturally, fails (done to the tune of "Dance of the Flutes").
That evening, Marge tells Homer that he'll like the present that she got him. Not wanting to upset her, Homer tells her that his present for her is outside and goes to buy her a present (sung to the tune of "Trepak"). Every store is closed, and all Apu has at the Kwik-E-Mart is some jerky made out of trout. Homer searches in garbage cans, gutters, trees, and he even chases down Milhouse, but he can't find anything.
When he gets home, Marge gives Homer his present (done to "Pas De Deux"). He opens it and sees that it is another present with a tag that reads, "To Marge, From Homer." Marge tells him that she knew that he would forget to give her a present, so she gave him one to give to her. He gives it to her and she unwraps it, and Homer sees that it is a picture of him dressed up as Santa with Marge on his lap. They hug and kiss, and Moe, for the fourth time, attempts suicide by riding on a sleigh in the road, and missing an eighteen-wheel semi.
It was watched by 9.8 million viewers on its premiere in the US.