"She of Little Faith"
- (Close-up of Homer at breakfast)
- Homer: So, you think you know better than this family, huh? Well, as long as you're in my house, you'll do what I do and believe what I believe! (it turns out that he is talking to Bart) So butter your bacon!
- Bart: Yes, father. (does so)
- Lisa: (walking in) Mom, Dad, my spiritual quest is over!
- Homer: Hold that thought... (to Bart) Bacon up that sausage, boy!
- Bart: But, Dad, my heart hurts!
- (Homer glares at him; Bart reluctantly wraps a slice of bacon around his sausage and eats it.)
- Richard Gere: I am dreaming of a free Tibet.
- Lenny: We are dreaming of free sandwiches.
- Carl: Hey, Richard, in An Officer and a Gentleman, did you really do all those sit-ups?
- Richard Gere: I wish! I did one, and they just showed it a thousand times.
- Marge: (Cheerfully) Who wants some astro-lemonade?
- Nerd: What precisely makes it "astro"?
- Marge: Look, I don't want to start a whole thing with this.
- Kearney: Fixing this church should be our top priority. And I say that as a teenager and a parent of a teenager.
- Marge: (whispering) Here she comes! And a-one, and a-two, and...
- Family: (singing) We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish -- (stop as Lisa enters)
- Marge: ...oh. Hello, Lisa.
- Lisa: I just came down for a glass of water.
- Marge: Oh. Well, you do have a present under the tree. I guess no-one told Santa you were a Buddhist.
- Lisa: Well, Santa can take it back, because I'm not ruled by material desi-- (gasps when she sees the "present") Is that a pony!?
(Homer and Bart stand beside it)
- Homer: I don't know what Santa left you! I just know his name is Clip-Clop and he loves sugar. (holds out some sugar cubes to the pony)
- Marge: Lisa, we love you, and we're not trying to put any pressure on you!
(She sets Maggie, carrying a candy cane, down on the floor, and nudges her with her foot. Maggie walks over to Lisa and holds out the cane.)
- Lisa: (touched) Aww!
(Reverend Lovejoy peers through the living room window as Lisa takes the cane)
- Reverend Lovejoy: Lick it! Lick it!
- Lisa: (noticing him) NO! (runs out of the house)
- Lenny: Richard Gere! The world's most famous Buddhist!
- Carl: What about the Dalai Lama?
- Lenny: Who's the Dalai Lama?
- Carl: You know, the 14th Reincarnation of Buddha?
- Lenny: Who's Buddha?
- Richard Gere: It's a good thing Buddhism teaches freedom from desire, 'cause I've got the desire to kick your ass!