- "You see, the law business is a little slow, and since most of my clients wind up losing their houses, this was a natural move for me."
- ―Lionel Hutz explains his employment at Red Blazer Realty
"Realty Bites" is the ninth episode of season 9. It originally aired on December 7, 1997.
When Marge becomes a real estate agent, her firm loses lucrative sales due to her total honesty. Meanwhile, Homer buys a 1960s hot-rod convertible at the local police auction. Unfortunately, the rod's former owner and convicted felon, Snake, wants his property returned post haste, and will do anything to get it back.
Marge is tired of being cooped up in the house all the time and tells Homer they should go out somewhere nice. Her expectations are broken when Homer takes her to the annual police auction, where items belonging to the prisoners are being sold. Homer buys Snake's hot rod, "Lil' Bandit", which makes Snake want revenge on him. Marge doesn't want to ride home in the car, so she walks. As she does, she talks to Lionel Hutz, who's now working for Red Blazer Realty. She decides she wants to be a real estate seller too.
Marge studies for a big test in order to become a real estate seller. She passes and gets the job. Meanwhile, Homer showboats the car so much, Snake breaks out of jail to kill Homer and get the car. Marge tries to sell houses, but can't stop telling the buyer's the flaws of the house, making it unable to sell. Hutz tells her that if you don't sell a house on your first week, you get fired. When the Flanders family looks for a new home, she once again tells them the flaws. When she finishes all the houses in the area, they spy the Murder House, which is unbeknownst to Ned and Maude. They buy it, making Marge feel guilty.
While Homer drives under a bridge in Lil Bandit, Snake jumps in and starts a fight to get the car back. Marge keeps thinking about the Flanders' being murdered in the house and tries to give them their check back. When she enters the house, she finds their bodies all red and on the floor, which makes her think they've been killed. They turn out to be alive, and just taking a nap after painting Todd's room red. She tries to give the check back, but Flanders says he'll be happy here. Just then, Snake's car with him and Homer fighting drives up to the house, causing it to break partially. Chief Wiggum, in pursuit of them, also crashes into the house, completely demolishing it. Flanders then rips up the check. Marge is fired, but Homer shows her the magic of the unemployment office.
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The episode was written by Swinton O. Scott III and directed by Dan Greaney. Phil Hartman reprises his role as Lionel Hutz for the final time in The Simpsons.