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- Homer: All my daughter ever did was tell people to think for themselves. I may be her father, but when I grow up, I wanna be just like her, except still a dude.
- Mr. Burns: Now get out!
- Lisa: I can't! My mom's not picking me up for an hour.
- (long pause)
- Burns: So, what do you think of today’s popular music scene.
- Lisa: I think it distracts people from more important social issues.
- Burns: My god, are you always on!?
- Kent Brockman: The town still mourns the loss of its venerable old man.
- Mr Burns: Here it comes.
- Kent: Beloved by children.
- Mr Burns: Ah yes, the little ones.
- Kent: Thought to be thousands of years old.
- Mr Burns: I have been 89 for a while now.
- Kent: We'll miss you, Geezer Rock.
- Mr. Burns: Well, I guess it's impossible for one man to control all the media. Unless, of course, you're Rupert Murdoch. (Looks at camera) He is one beautiful man.
- Mr. Burns: Ah, it's as easy as crushing an ant! [sees ant] You know? [tries to crush it but it knocks him over] AARRGGHH!!! Oh! Take my wallet and leave me alone!
- Lisa: Nelson, what journalistic skills do you have?
- Nelson: I dunno, making nerds cry?
- Lisa: Great, you'll be our TV critic.
- Bart: What's the big deal about a rock that looks like a dude? I've got a dad that looks like a monkey!
- (Homer is humped over, scratching his crotch and eating a banana.)
- Homer: (Scoffs) Bart! You promised you'd stop making that comparison! (Grabs Bart to strangle him.)
- Homer: I'm gonna pull an all-nighter for my daughter! Marge! Go put on a pot of coffee! Drink it. And start making hamburgers!