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Homer: Oh, boy, dinnertime. The perfect break between work and drunk.
[While riding bikes in Springfield National Park, Bart and Lisa come across Martin, who is excavating for arrowheads.]
Lisa: May I join you?
Martin: Care to make it a trio, Bart? You can brush and I can blow!
Bart: Well, I agree you blow.
Martin: Then it's a plan!
Bart: A lot of people blow. But no one blows like you!
Martin: High praise indeed!
Bart: When you look up 'blow' in the dictionary ...
Lisa: [interrupting] Bart, he's not gonna get it.
[Now riding by himself, Bart sees a sleeping Sideshow Mel and decides to pull a prank ...]
Bart: The bone's the very thing, methinks, to prank my sister and the dink. [steals the bone from Mel's hair]
[Bart leaves the bone partially buried in the road for Martin to find.]
Martin: A bone! Perhaps it's one of the major Homos.
Bart: You're one of the major-
Lisa: [interrupting, sharply] Forget it!
[The Sneakers host has just set up Marge to confront Homer cheating on his diet, and Marge is winding up to deliver a roundhouse slap.]
Host: That's it, Marge. Slap him good.
[Marge slaps the host instead of Homer.]
Marge: Sick! You're not trying to help our marriage. You're trying to split us up! Well, I'd rather have a chubby hubby than a sexy exy.
Principal Skinner: Martin Prince was known by many names. Martin Priss, Martin Princess, Fartsin Prince, Martin the Brown-Nose Reindeer...
Dolph: That was mine.
(Marge is suspicious of Homer, who is wearing a fedora hat and a trench coat.)
Marge: Homer, where are you going?
Marge: It's 4 o'clock on a Saturday.
Homer: I, uh, have to... count the atoms at the nuclear plant. Conservation of mass! It's the law!
Lisa: Bart, Martin could be seriously hurt or worse! We have to do something!
Bart: You're right. Let's watch TV.
Bart: Usually when I do something bad, I feel good. But not this time. Martin was like Jesus... only real.
Bart: (about a school assignment) The Internet wrote it, I just handed it in.