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- Moe: (upon hearing his player's club card is maxed out) "Well, that's it. It's over. Renee ain't gonna want to hang around with no Joe pinch-penny."
- Homer: "Come on, Moe. Think of all the things you have to offer her besides money."
- Moe: "I need cash, and fast!"
- Moe: "It's been four years since my last date with a whatchoo-call-it, uh, woman."
- Moe: "Oh, Homer! I've been the world's biggest rat. Can you ever forgive me?"
- Homer: "Aww, I could never stay mad at you, Moe. After all, you get me drunk!"
- Moe: "Renee, there's something I gotta tell ya."
- Renee: "Oh no. You're gay, aren't you? Oh boy, Renee, you sure can pick 'em!"
- Moe: "Nah, it ain't that."
- Renee: "What, so you're married?"
- Moe: "No, no! I--Hey, why did you say gay first?"
- Homer: "Hmm, I don't know… I can just imagine what Marge would say!"
- Marge: (In Homer's imagination) "Homer, I insist you steal that car!"
- Homer: "I'll do it!"
- Renee: "Really? You think I'm gorgeous?"
- Moe: "Yeah, well, the part that's showin'. Guess you could have a lotta weird scars or a fake ass or somethin'."
- Renee: "You don't talk to a lot of women, do you?"
- Moe: "No girl wants to end up with a Joe Pukepail like me."
- Homer: "Now, now, I won't hear of it, Moe! You're a fabulous catch!"
- Moe: "Oh yeah? Well how come I ain't fending off movie starlets with a pointy stick?"
- Homer: "Oh, it's probably due to your ugliness, but that doesn't mean we can't find you a woman. C'mon! We're going to the darkest bar in town!"
- (Homer makes a toast.)
- Homer: "To Marge, and all the blissful years I spent hiding from her in this bar."
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